


Dirty Limericks

by Usha



Category: It's a Boy Girl Thing (2006)
Genre: Birthday Sex, F/M, Fingering, First Time, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Intimacy, Loss of Virginity, Oneshot, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Vanilla, parts of this movie gave me the Big Angry, so here you go
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-10
Updated: 2019-09-10
Packaged: 2020-10-13 20:13:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20588405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Usha/pseuds/Usha
Summary: It's the night of Nell's birthday and what follows can best be described as "premeditated".





	Dirty Limericks

**Author's Note:**

> Hi.
> 
> This is the first and maybe last fanfic I have ever written. I watched this movie on a whim one night and I have never been so frustrated by a story like I was with this one. The beginning absolutely pissed me off and was everything I anticipated from a a mid-2000's romcom about a teenage boy and girl switching bodies. I hated Nell and Woody and the people they interacted with (except Woody's parents, I would die for them). None of the jokes were funny and I honestly wished MORE bad things would happen to them. But somehow once they stopped being complete assholes to each other (right after Woody and Nell confront Nicky in the gym iirc) it was like an entirely different movie and I actually ended up loving the ending. I even watched it a few more times.
> 
> The only thing that leaves a bad taste in my mouth after is that Woody specifically threatens to give away Nell's virginity to basically a stranger and never saw a problem with it. And that seems in line with shitty 2000's movies, but because the ending felt like a different movie to me, it killed me that it never got addressed again.
> 
> So this is my response to that feeling. I wanted to simultaneously punish Woody for being a dickhead and reward him for character growth. I'm posting in case there's anyone out there who felt the same way I did.This note is an essay in its own right, but in all honesty, it's not that deep and I should just shut up for once in my life. Once I post this I'm going to the gym and I'm definitely stalling right now so I don't have to change out of my pajamas.
> 
> None of my friends have seen this movie so I didn't have a beta reader. Hopefully I did alright, but I'm sure I'm blind to the errors in this story by now. Feedback is welcome, and thanks for reading.

Who would have guessed that all it took for Nell Bedworth to give up her virginity was a dirty limerick?

Woody hadn’t anticipated this reaction at all. He expected blushing and maybe some giggling followed by a kiss after she closed her birthday card and returned it to its envelope, neater than she received it. But instead, that card now lay on the floor, discarded. Sure, there was plenty of blushing and giggling leading up to this point, but those details somehow got lost when she all but pounced on him. 

As he enjoyed feeling her weight as she straddled him on her bed, he couldn’t help but wonder how it was that a seemingly inconsequential joke led to Nell’s reaction. He couldn’t even remember the poem now, just that it included something about spanking. Not that he was complaining. Her kisses on his neck made his heart race.

“Nell, I’m loving the direction we’re heading. But aren’t you worried your parents will hear?” Her mom finally recovered after learning that her daughter would be deferring her enrollment to Yale to take a gap year. And what’s better, she accepted that Nell and Woody were going steady. But who knows what she’d do if she knew how often Woody snuck into her daughter’s bedroom after dark? Feeling his crotch throb slightly, he found out with some surprise that the risk of getting caught was pretty exciting.

Between kisses, she spoke, warm breath tickling his throat. “Their room is on the first floor and her CPAP machine is so outdated that they both wear earplugs to bed. We could start a mariachi band for all they knew.” She then chuckled at the thought, a sensation he reveled in as her chest was pressed to his. He was immediately very glad that he always carried a condom with him.

Okay, so maybe this wasn’t all thanks to the limerick. As they shed their clothing, he realized that she had matched her bra to her panties. Speaking of panties, these didn’t spell out days of the week on the side. He hadn’t seen them before at all, actually. She certainly didn’t own these when he had to live in her body, so when did she buy them? Had this been her plan all along?

“These are new,” he said as he hooked a finger into the silky black waistband, right above the bow. It was her birthday, but he almost felt like he was the one getting a present.

Woody could tell she was trying hard not to sound nervous. “It was a small birthday present to myself, I suppose.” 

Looking up at her through his lashes, Woody pulled the fabric out a little farther before letting it go, and tried to keep from chuckling as the still tight elastic snapped back onto her skin. Her little gasp was promising, to say the least.

As soon as she started to grind on him, he knew he was done for. Now all that mattered was matching her pace. The last thing he wanted was for her first time to happen before she was ready. That said, he didn’t see any problem with her helping her along.

Slipping a hand into her underwear, Woody briefly thought about the first time he had done so. Before their near nightly meetings, before they were even dating. He remembered lying in her bed, in her body, hand down under, breathing heavily. He had done it for research purposes, he convinced himself. He wanted to know what chicks actually felt down there. He convinced himself that once he was back in his own body, Breanna wouldn’t be able to keep her hands to herself. Besides, he knew that she couldn’t avoid touching his junk even if she wanted to, so fair is fair. What he hadn’t anticipated was that Nell had at that point never masturbated in her life, a fact that was responsible for the absolutely devasting orgasm that he experienced that night that left him shaking and covered in sweat. It hadn’t taken long for him to figure out his rhythm ― or was it hers? He didn’t have time to dwell on pedantry, because Nell’s moans in his ear pushed all other thoughts from his mind.

Even though he could no longer feel the results of his fingering personally, he still managed to get it right and used the increasing wetness of his hand and his girlfriend’s moaning as signs of progress. She had already stripped him of his jeans, so his blood rushed freely to his crotch, his dick growing uncomfortably fast. It had never been quite like this with anyone else. This had to be the hardest he’s ever been and the wettest any girl he’s been with has gotten. He moved his fingers a little faster, working to create better friction against her clit, and was rewarded with a louder moan and faster panting.

“Shh, Babe, you’ll wake up _my_ parents at this rate,” he joked, but he secretly wished they were on a deserted island, alone together, where he could hear her scream out with pleasure when she finally came. He remembered having to bite her pillow when he came while trapped in her body. He almost felt sad that she wouldn’t get to either. He certainly wasn’t willing to risk it all if there was even a slim chance that Nell’s scream would get through their ear plugs.

“S-sorry, I – I can’t help it,” she panted out, her face in the crook of his neck and hands gripping his hair by the roots. Despite her protests, he stopped fingering her for a moment to adjust their position. Pushing her backward, her head rested at the foot of the bed and he held himself above her, his right knee keeping her legs from closing. Now, he got to see her face has his hand returned to her pussy, determined to finish the job. 

An idea occurred to him and when he spoke, he didn’t expect his voice to be as husky as it was. “Babe, when you come, don’t try to hold it in, okay? Make as much noise as you want. Don’t worry about someone hearing you. I won’t let them.” Nell looked too distracted to be confused, and didn’t ask for an explanation. She only nodded, and Woody dipped his head down to her chest, where he maneuvered her bra out of his way to lick one nipple while using his free hand to play with the other, pushing her towards her climax. 

It didn’t take long. From the crescendo of her moaning and the increased writhing of her body, he had just enough time to cover her mouth with his before the scream ripped from her throat. It was still loud, but Woody pressed his mouth to hers in a way that seemed less like a kiss and more like a wall pushing against her lips. Instead of ringing throughout the house, his hard kiss kept her lips in place and her orgasm never left her bedroom.

Woody pulled his mouth off of hers and looked down at Nell, whose chest heaved as she met his eyes. She seemed happy, even if she was too dazed to smile. He remembered that feeling and felt a surge of pride in helping her feel it as well.

Nell looked completely spent, so the last thing he expected was her small, warm hand to push past the waistband of his boxers to grab his dick. He looked down at her hand, and then back at her, clearly startled. He wanted to speak, but his words dried up when she slowly started pumping. 

“That was the best feeling I’ve ever had in my life, Woody,” Nell rasped, throat clearly still ravaged by her orgasm. “Please let me return the favor.” 

Woody swallowed hard, “What did you have in mind?”

Nell, in typical fashion, was too embarrassed to say the words she wanted to out loud. Go figure that the girl who loves Shakespeare and spends most of her free time reading poetry and books thicker than tires couldn’t use her words. He recalled when she had asked about how to deal with morning wood and how it took several tries just to get her to call it a “thingamajig”. Instead of speaking, she removed her hand from his crotch to sit up and crawl to her nightstand, pulling from the drawer a box of condoms.

So this had been her plan all along.

He gave a small laugh to distract himself from how violently his cock twitched after seeing the box. “I don’t remember seeing those back then.” 

Nell was too embarrassed to meet his gaze. “I bought them the same day I bought the lingerie.”

Despite his arousal, he couldn’t pass up this opportunity to tease her. “How long have you been planning this, Babe? And here I thought the dirty poem I wrote in your birthday card was what set you off. I was wondering if I should have done it sooner.”

She huffed and began to glare at him, clearly flustered. “You know it would take much more than some…bawdy verses for me to allow myself to be deflowered.”  
As much as he loved the color her cheeks were turning, and as much as he hated the word “deflowered”, he knew he had to put her at ease if their night were to continue. “Well, I’m honored that you picked me anyway,” he whispered, pulling her toward him for a kiss.

Before he could ask, she decided their position when she pulled him forward, her head resting on her pillows, her arms around his neck, and her eyes, clear of hesitation or fear, looking up at him. 

Following her lead, he pushed her legs apart with his knee once more and then settled his lower body between her thighs. His cock responded accordingly, throbbing as a result of contact with the heat of her crotch.

They continued to kiss, but his brain raced to make last minute adjustments before it was too late. He pulled off her panties and ran his fingers over her lips, ensuring that she was still wet from earlier before stroking a couple more times for good measure. With some contortions, he got his boxers off, with no help from his increasingly stiff erection. He hoped that it would still feel good for her, even though he was rock hard. At least we’re not in Nicky’s trailer, he thought, after which he quickly regretted thinking about that.

Nell noticed him stall immediately. “Woody?”

Her voice only makes him feel worse. 

Sometimes he thinks back on who he was before he and Nell switched bodies and feels shame that burns so hot that he thinks he’ll be swallowed by the flames. The way they tried to ruin each other’s lives during the switch was bad enough, but remembering how he was nearly willing to let Nicky, some guy that Nell barely knew, take her virginity made him filled him with potent self-hatred. And he hated himself more for only backing out of it because he realized that meant he would be the one Nicky was fucking. Woody only realized later, after he figured out that none of his strength and athleticism followed him into Nell’s body, that he had gotten extremely lucky. Nicky was much stronger than Nell. Hell, most men are. Woody wasn’t even able to land a punch on Nicky with Nell’s arms before Nell stepped in to do it herself. No wonder she felt so good afterward. She’s probably never felt that capable of protecting herself in her life.

He looked down at her soft body and sharp eyes and hated himself for ever considering letting someone touch her body without her permission, for putting her at the mercy of a man neither of them really knew. Circumstances be damned.

Nell reached up and touched his face, bringing him back to her. He was surprised when he figured out that she was actually wiping away tears. “Woody, what happened? What’s wrong?” She began to sit up, but he shook his head and gently pushed her back onto her pillows. He didn’t know how to answer her concerned stare.

“I was thinking about how badly I used to treat you, before everything that happened,” he finally said, brushing her bangs out of her eyes and running her hand through her short hair. “And now you love me enough to let me be your first time.” He did his best to squash his anger at himself to get to his point. “I don’t think I deserve you. Even now.”

Nell’s eyes widened in shock and she didn’t speak for a moment. But when she finally did, she surprised him.

“I feel that way too sometimes.”

She took his face in her hands, stroking his cheeks as he settled some of his weight on top of her, bodies flush in a way that took a turn from the erotic to just plain intimate. “Woody, I don’t know if you remember, but I was just as cruel to you as you were to me. And I wasn’t just mean to you either. Your parents are wonderful and I let my mother’s pretentious attitude affect how I viewed them.” She pushed a stray lock of hair back from his forehead. “I tried to hurt you just as much as you tried to hurt me. But I love you, Woody. And I know that we’re both different people now. You said it yourself.”

She sealed her statement with a kiss and Woody decided to let her do so without argument. He would not bring up Nicky. Not now. He didn’t think he’d ever let himself off easy for that, despite Nell’s insistence that they were equally bad to one another. He still wasn’t sure he deserved to take her virginity with all the meaning it carried for her. But with her lips on his and her legs wrapping around his waist, he resolved that, even if he didn’t deserve to share this moment with her, he was going to make her first time a moment she would never regret, no matter what happened between them after.

As if she could hear his thoughts, Nell reach her hand down and began stroking him again, coaxing him back up and at attention. Her hands, smooth and warm and small, found their places on his cock and in the hair on the back of his head. His breath was ragged in no time.

Woody’s own fingers slid back to her pussy, pushing between her labias to her clit. The shuddering moan he got from her was satisfying, because he knew for a fact that she was still a little sensitive from coming into his hand earlier. 

Which reminded him. Woody slid his fingers over the already welling moisture of her pussy and brought those same fingers to his lips, taking them into his mouth to taste her as she watched with a mix of horror and arousal. He smiled down at her, enjoying the shock on her face and looking forward to shedding her of inexperience in the future. 

“Get used to it, Bedworth,” he drawled, earning him a squeak in response. For once she was speechless.

Nell continued to stroke him until the first dribbles of precum emerged from his head. He would have been content to have her stroke his cock until he literally ran out of cum, but instead he took one of the condoms from the box and opened the wrapper.

“Can I put it on you?”

Woody hadn’t anticipated that. No one he’s slept with has asked to do that. Certainly not Breanna, that’s for sure. They’d all just let him take over from this point. So he handed the condom to her and explained how to put it on, watching her as she rolled the tight latex over his head, down his shaft, ending at the base of his penis, to make sure she didn’t have any trouble with it.

That, and he loved watching her touch his dick. 

Once done, Nell leaned back again and Woody settled back between her thighs as he positioned his head at her entrance. He wasn’t worried about this part, if he was being honest, seeing his hand come away completely covered and shining in the lamplight. Still, he waited for her cue.

She looked up at him, and his heart fluttered a little when she said, “Please?”

He slid his head in and went inch by inch, letting her get a feel for him. Her breath hitched and she tightened her grip on his hair. Woody could feel her pulse race as he settled completely inside of her.

She was tight, and surprisingly hot. He hadn’t realized he had been holding his breath, so he let it go as he focused on just how good, just how right this all felt. 

He waited for her signal to continue, after which he began short, slow thrusts, relishing in the way her breathing matched his pace and how her pussy seemed to grip him in the perfect way. He nuzzled his face into her neck and brushed his fingertips over her nipples to hear her breath hitch even more. He actually kind of liked this slow pace, especially if it meant he could stay inside of her longer.

But, before he knew it, Nell started urging him to go a little faster, a little harder. The way she moved her hips upwards to meet his thrusts tested his restraint. 

“Woody, please, I-“

He picked up his pace and she squeezed her legs around his waist, moaning to the rhythm of his thrusts. He himself couldn’t keep himself from gasping as he felt that familiar burning throb in his lower abdomen. They only grew louder as his strokes grew longer, letting her feel every last inch of his shaft pull out and push back in. His cock was absolutely covered in her wetness and the room smelled heady the way only sex is capable of.

Woody knew he was getting close, because he could no longer stay focused enough to enjoy the feeling of her breasts in the palms of his hands or the way she was pulling at his hair or how hard she squeezed her legs around him. His face was planted firmly into her hair at the top of her pillow and his ears could only pick up her moans, perfectly timed to his thrusts, and the fast, soft slapping sound of them fucking.

It was the word “fucking” that pushed him over. To him, it was much more powerful and evocative than euphemisms like “lovemaking”, or “deflowering”, which Nell tended to prefer. Maybe he liked that it was more tactile, conjuring images of flesh, the feeling of blood rushing to one’s groin, and the sounds of moaning and that irresistible slapping noise that couldn’t be anything other than sex. Thinking to himself, “I am fucking Nell Bedworth,” he felt that throbbing burn in his lower abs come to head and with a strangled, hitched moan, Woody came.


End file.
